Daily hospital report

isn't good news today. At first it seemed to go well: when I arrived a bit after 11 she was sitting in the chair next to the bed, which was unthinkable yesterday. But when I returned from the "lunch and rest break" the haematologist had visited, and he was certain it was the cancer which is behind all this. Apparently there is a hole (or two) in her liver, leaking fluids into her belly. So that was partly why she was all swollen up and even when drinking a lot, dehydrated. With several litres of fluid removed (4 or 5, iirc) she isn't so swollen anymore but not normal. The proposal was to start chemo when she would be sufficiently recovered from the acute situation, and that news was such a terrible shock, it seemed like she had completely given up on everything. It was so sad to see her in bed, not being able to do the simplest thing for herself (especially compared to the seeming improvement of the morning). Her back was in a lot of pain and they had to give her morphine for it (and apparently it wasn't the first dose). That seemed to work but it made her completely zone out all the time; she'd doze off with her eyes half open all the time, even in the middle of trying to drink water or things like that. Saying goodnight and see you tomorrow before I left took three installments... She deliberately pulled be close to kiss me goodnight. As a last thing, she told me to go and do something fun...